Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.
Men all they need is few pints of beer, top gear, football and some grotty lads magazine
All modern men are descended from a worm-like creature, but it shows more on some people.
If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
MEN ARE LIKE BUSES… IF YOU MISS ONE ANOTHER ONE WILL BE COMING IN 5 MINUTES.
A man woke up in the morning with a headache and saw a rose, an Aspirin, water and a note on the bed side table written on it: ‘Breakfast is on the table I am off to the store”.
When he went down stairs he saw his son and asked him what happened last night.
His son said “Well you came home drunk and when mom tried to kiss you, you yelled ‘get off me lady i am married!’ ”
Getting drunk: $65
Calling a cab when your to drunk: $21.50.
Saying the right things at the right time: Priceless.